Okay - this struck me as a possible good idea having been in a chatroom session today where there were a number of newbies who appeared either unsure, frustrated (or both) about why they were not getting quick meets or even replies in the chatroom. It was impossible to give out all the advice that I wanted to give because of the speed that the chatroom operates at, so I thought that perhaps a sort of "user guide" might be helpful.
Disclaimers first - this is NOT intended to be a definitive guide to using the chatroom. It is PURELY a personal view, based on my own mistakes and experiences. People will disagree with some of it. Some people may disagree with all of it! However, I simply offer it in the spirit of goodwill in the hope that it will give some pointers to newcomers to the site. As a straight, single male, it is also written from a straight, single male's point of view. I cannot claim to have the insight of what single females or couples (of whatever sexual persuasion) might want, but I believe I've learnt what they tend to NOT want, and I'll cover that as we go.
1. You're New - you want a meet!
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I suspect the majority of people join this site initially with the expectation of uncovering an easy world of free sex. I know I did. This will probably lead to early disappointment, especially if you're a single male (unless you happen to look like Tom Cruise and have a cock like a baby's arm!). The serious and regular members of this site are generally after cultivating a circle of friends first, and then they tend to stick largely with those same people. Some have a larger circle than others, but breaking into established networks takes time, patience and understanding. Don't expect to automatically be welcomed with open arms!
2. The Chatroom is Scary!
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The first time I ventured into the chatroom I just couldn't handle it! There were over 100 people all logged in, with probably 30 or so chatting simultaneously: some on different conversations, others all contributing to the same conversation thread. Everyone knew everyone else. Whenever I said anything, it was totally ignored. I hated the place!
After a time, (several months, to be honest!), I tried harder. Now I'm in there most nights, and don't find it intimidating at all. In fact, I feel the chatroom is infinitely better at securing quality meets than the majority of emails. Here's how I'd suggest someone new approaches the chatroom:
a) Watch and Learn
To begin with, don't say anything. Just watch the conversations and try to get a feel for the style of addressing people.
As a regular, you can usually spot the newbie who dives straight in. They say clumsy things, often upsetting regulars unintentionally. Look for the ways that people respond to each other, the abbreviations they use, and especially the "mood" aliases (such as lmao and pmsl - more later) and emoticons (graphical smileys). These are particularly important if there's even the remotest chance that what you write could be mis-interpreted!
b) Pick a Colour
With so many people chatting at once, it helps if you can stand out from the crowd a bit. Pick a colour that's not currently being used from the colour picker at the left-hand end of the message window.
c) Introduce Yourself
When you sign in, say something like "Hi everyone", and acknowledge yourself as a newbie. Everyone was a newbie once upon a time, and most regulars are sympathetic to new joiners. Unless the conversation is fast and furious, you will almost certainly get several "welcome" responses, which should at least break the ice. Ask for advice early on - again, this shows that you are willing to learn the ropes and respect the room protocol. Regulars welcome this, and will almost always help you out.
d) Do you actually have anything to say?
Regulars will accept and respond to all sorts of stuff from other regulars. As a newbie, though, if you've got nothing
much to say people probably won't make the effort. Wait until a conversation topic starts that you can actually contribute to usefully, and if you can do it wittily as well so much the better!
e) Whispers
Beware the whisper! If you click on a username in the lower right-hand list, you will send a personal message (a whisper) to that user only. This is usually considered BAD form! Many people actually stress in their profiles that they will not tolerate being whispered to! Now, from a single male's point of view, this seems very strange. Most of us guys are only too glad to have attractive women or couples whisper us! Unfortunately, couples, and more especially single females, are outnumbered by single males several times over. They get whispers all the time, and it can be a real problem for them when trying to hold public conversations. Besides which, there is often a feeling of suspicion about why someone isn't willing to say what they want in public.
Still, whispers can be valuable. The best way is to ask the person in question if they will accept a whisper from you first. If nothing else, this is polite, but many people will accept request whispers when they wouldn't otherwise accept uninvited ones.
If they don't want to be whispered, they will tell you, and YOU MUST RESPECT THAT. Besides, if you persist in whispering, they will either copy your whisper into the public chatroom and possibly humiliate you, or else report you to a moderator and get you bounced from the chatroom.
Don't worry if you accidentally whisper someone. Everyone does that, even regulars. Just quickly apologise ("sorry - didn't mean to whisper") and return to public chat. No one will mind that.
f) Be Respectful
The basic rule is "Do not genuinely insult people". It goes against all chatroom protocol, and most people will rally round whoever you're targetting and you'll get flamed! Regulars will frequently insult each other, but in a playful way, with plenty of emoticons, winks and other reassurances that it's all a bit of a wind up. Be careful doing this as a newbie - until people get to know your personality a bit better, they won't know how to take you, and may well take genuine offence even if you didn't mean to give it.
g) Persevere, but don't be a nuisance
If you direct a message at someone in particular, you will often get at least an acknowledgment. However, in a busy room, that person may simply miss your message. Alternatively, they may have chosen to ignore it. How do you know?
Clearly, you don't at first. Try repeating the message one more time. If you still get no response, then they're either too busy with other conversations, or they actually don't want to speak to you. They're under no obligation to reply, although most people are polite enough to do so. Whichever - back down gracefully! DON'T keep pestering someone if they appear to be ignoring you: move on - there are plenty of other people to chat with. You may find on another day that that same person is happy to chat, whereas they won't be if you piss them off big time at first!
h) Webcams
Very useful. They let you see who you're chatting to, and vice-versa. This enables you to put some facial expression to your more cheeky comments (always useful!), and is also generally more beneficial than profile photos. You'll also rarely see complaints about single females or couples getting down and dirty on cam! This does happen frequently, with some really very raunchy shows being put on most nights! BEWARE SINGLE MALES, however. Most people are NOT interested in watching single guys wanking away to themselves. Some are, especially if it's a two-way performance, but in general you'll simply be regarded as a bit sad and lonely if you just sit there with the cam on your crotch without making any contribution at all to the conversation.
i) Emoticons, smileys, abbreviations etc.
You'll find that lots of regulars pepper their messages with strange abbreviations, such as lmao, pmsl and others.
These should be used either as simple decorations to emphasize funny comments, or, more importantly, to reassure someone that a possibly insulting-sounding message was actually a bit of a piss-take and was meant light-heartedly.
These are often not obvious, so here's a quick glossary:
lmao = "laugh my arse off"
pmsl = "piss myself laughing"
roflmao = "roll on floor laughing my arse off"
lol = "Laugh out Loud" (This automatically generates a smiley icon)
brb = "Be right back" (This automatically generates a smiley icon)
Emoticons are the graphical smileys, which can be picked from a list, or generated automatically by certain key combinations. There are a lot of these, so here are just a few (try them for yourself!). NB - they are case-sensitive! Put in any capital letters and they won't work.
:cry
:red
:grin
:kiss
:heart
:ring (for when your telephone interrupts you!)
I hope all this was useful! Like I said at the start, it's only my personal view based on my own earlier mistakes! I still make mistakes, and some people will point out that I don't always stick to the above advice myself! Well, I'm only human - what can I say?
Enjoy the chatroom!
Post edited 28-08-2006 21:27
Post edited 28-08-2006 21:30
Wow Sudsy, were you up all night writing that???
I think its well written and I agree with everything you have to say. There is one thing I would like to add though about cams. The people on cam are not performing seals and I haven't met anyone yet who is actually a porn director. So I find that the vast majority of people do not appreciate comments like:
Can I see your t*ts
Get your p*ssy out
Are you up for a f*ck tonight
These are actual comments I have received and I will copy them onto the main chatroom. I will do what I want on cam. Compliments are nice and welcome but I don't like being told what to do. Again this is a personal view, but I know that a lot of people share this view.
This is not meant to put anybody new off the site, like Sudsy it is meant as a helpful guidline as to how to get on well on the site.
Good luck to all on the site xxxx
Grrrrrr to sudsy :P
Omg Sudsy are you an agony uncle in the making or what!!!! What brilliant advice you have given here (and Curvy's little addition was welcomed greatly too). Most new people don't have a clue and is up to the regular members in the chat room to help them out (my opinion by the way) as I remember being new myself and feeling totally daunted by how many times I was ignored, which is why I now take the time to welcome new people into the chat room and help them with any questions they need answering. :clap: to you Sudsy I bow in awe xxxx
Hi all thnxs sudsy for the advise im newby and pretty much done the wisppering thing aint done the wanking with web cam cos i never hag one but i probally would of, now i think i'll give it a miss lol. Once again cheers for stearing me inthe right direction...........x :rainbow:
Brilliant info Sudsy and Curvy!!
As SP regulars we are not above making classic chat errors:-
Whispers in error, easily corrected by a quickly whispered 'whoops' or 'sorry'
Forgetting the emoticons at end of teasing, which can be more effort to correct if recipient is sensitive to tease (which we as humans, can tend to be at one time or another). However we are unafraid to apologise openly, if we cause any offence, however occasioned...
We do endeavour to chat with all that seek a response, but can get carried away with our friends in chat and miss any others...
Take care, have fun
Jel & N
xxx
Good quality advise, and us newbies always make a mess, so sorry, Ill always take these tips close to my heart and thank all those who have eased me into the fun. Look forward to meeting some beautiful people oneday lve n hugs xxxxxx :-)
Topknob - you make me feel quite guilty! I hope I didn't suggest that "newbies always make a mess" - that certainly wasn't my intention! However, many newbies are a little unsure about accepted practice within the chatroom. That's the only reason I posted what I did. I'm pleased to say it seems to have been well-received.
Glad to hear that you're happier with the site now, and that others are making you feel welcome.
Suds
Post edited 01-09-2006 18:58
Hi Sudsy,
Great advice.... how about giving out a little more! Im new to the site & would like to get to know people in the chat room. However getting into the chat room is fine but i cant seem to type anything or respond to those saying hi to me. Any helpful ideas anyone? apart from giving up lol. xx
Hi Discreet,
What exactly happens when you try to type a message? Can you see the other conversations taking place?
Sometimes I manage to get to the chat page, but absolutely nothing is displayed apart from the chatroom "framework" - no users are listed, no conversations are visible.
I've found that from this position, select the BACK button to go back to the page that shows the "Enter the Chatroom" logo, and now hit the Refresh button on your web browser. Then, select the "Enter the Chatroom" logo again.
Sometimes you just have to persevere - it's a technical problem with the website, nothing that you're doing wrong, I believe.
However, if you can get into the chatroom and can see users and other conversations, yet still can't type anything, then you may have a different problem. Without more info I really couldn't guess. If you still have this problem, then I suggest you contact the site administrators using the "Contact Us" link on the left hand side of your screen.
Suds
Post edited 01-09-2006 22:17
Sudsy I could never hold any one guilty, you are all fantastic people, your advise is inspiring and warm hearted, and the effort you have put into this posting is grandeous and awesome. This site is so lucky to have you. Every ones emails from here have been so warm and lovely. Thankyou sudsy a true gent, your advice will be held close to my heart all the time. :-) xxxxxxxxxxxx big hug,
No question, BiBi - I'd just noticed some newbies often seemed stuck for advice about how to use the chatroom, so thought I'd try to offer some hints. That's all.
Sudsy and Sue - well done! Absolutely brilliant, and so spot on! Took me ages to find when told about this, but was looking in the wrong forum area!
I agree - this should be kept at the top of the forum for all to see and adhere to. At least those who can read will get it!
I could never have put it better myself, so, to you both - :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:!!!!
Cat xxxx
Sudsy - if we had a "forum post of the month" nomination, this post would have a running win, month after month!
Post edited 03-09-2006 22:47
Great piece of advice from Sudsey & Sue.
As newbie I've made the mistake of the whispering one. Haven't said anything outrageous but didn't realise it was classed as being rude to other users.
I've made a few of the other mistakes mentioned but hopefully the comments above will stop me making other.
I found the addition of a webcam a great help with getting reponses. I also like to chat with others on a webcam as you've got the great help from body language. you can get webcams for a little as £5 but you'll get much better quality for £25-£30. A small price to pay if it helps your enjoyment of the chatroom.
Thanks Guys, see you in the chatroom,
WB.
Sudsy
Just a little note to say that your advice was really appreciated. Came onto the site a few weeks ago as complete newbies and found it all a bit intimidtating even though a few did take the time to welcome us. First time back on since and read this straight away which is very reassuring and extremely helpful. Don't know if we made any blunders but you mentioned about "whispers" and this was the first we heard Thanks again
MK3
:clap: suds and sue..... i totaly agree with all said.... all tho u did miss one very important thing....
When mo is in the chat room she do's find the newbys very YUMMY so newbys be warned
mwahhhhhhhhhhhhh mo xx
Hi Suds - so new to this not even sure what I am doing now is right ?
My question is this - am I right in thinking there are other rooms available to chat in if you so wish and if so how do you make use of them ? I notice there is a new room box that if clicked on requires a new room name and also a password - so what happens next, when does one use this facility, why so on and so on !! Think you may have my drift by now.
Great advice and I have learnt a gre8 deal - even at this time of the morning. One last thing - where can I find the complete list of emoticons we are able to use please ?
Look forward to seeing your reply - thanks again !!
What exactly happens when you try to type a message? Can you see the other conversations taking place?
Sometimes I manage to get to the chat page, but absolutely nothing is displayed apart from the chatroom "framework" - no users are listed, no conversations are visible.
I've found that from this position, select the BACK button to go back to the page that shows the "Enter the Chatroom" logo, and now hit the Refresh button on your web browser. Then, select the "Enter the Chatroom" logo again.
Sometimes you just have to persevere - it's a technical problem with the website, nothing that you're doing wrong, I believe.
However, if you can get into the chatroom and can see users and other conversations, yet still can't type anything, then you may have a different problem. Without more info I really couldn't guess. If you still have this problem, then I suggest you contact the site administrators using the "Contact Us" link on the left hand side of your screen.
Suds
Post edited 01-09-2006 22:17[/quote] :clap:
Hi Fly_Boy - sorry, didn't spot your question for a while!
The "New Room" button is to allow you to create private or public rooms for your own use. By default, when you connect to the chatroom, there will always be a "Pool" room, and also a Jaccuzzi, I believe. However, you may regularly spot other rooms, often with nice descriptive names e.g. "Couples Room Only", sometimes with rather bizarre names e.g. "Fully-Signed-Up dogg-bollockers and sheep-shaggers", or just plain cryptic ("MyPlace", for example).
These are all examples of user-created rooms. If they are in listed in red, then they are private rooms and you will neeed to know a password to enter. If not, then they are public rooms and anyone can enter.
Be aware, though, that the creator of a room is also the Administrator for that room, and has the power to "kick" people out if they wish. There is no way to complain about this, even if you feel it's unjust - they created the room, so can make their own entry rules.
To create your own room, click the "New Room" button, and type a room name. If that's all you do, and do not specify a password, the room will remain public, as described above. If you enter a password as you create it, then for anyone to join that room (INCLUDING YOU!), you will need to enter the password at joining time.
Additional rooms are intended for people to have private conversations without whispering or interruptions from others if they prefer privacy. Naturally, a password-protected room guarantees this. You would whisper the password to any intended invitees before hand, create the room, join it yourself, and then wait for your guests to arrive.
N.B. - you only have a few seconds after you create a room in which to join it. If you leave it too long (more than about 10 seconds), it will disappear again.
I hope this was useful - have fun!
Suds
Sudsy I think we should all promote you to moderator position - not only do you give good advice but you are also level headed, a great guys and the advice you give is second to none - SUDSY for MOD
Sudsy,
Well done on the newbies guide, full of good advice :-) I have to admit to 'lurking' in the room as a newbie for quite a while trying to get a handle on how the onversations work and waiting for one i could possibly join in with!
It does get a easier with time and it helps that most of the 'regulars' are a very friendly bunch, so thanks Swinging_cat, Kel (of ianandkel), Honeyb, Sue, Mikee and of course Sudsy for making life as a newbie easier :-)
Oh and sorry to anyone I missed off the list, no offence intended - just not that good remembering names!
See you in the chatroom later!
Simplefun
Thanks for the tips! As a newbie coming from another site, I have noticed an immediate difference with this site, people are generally much more friendly here!
Looking forward to making some new friends on here.
Thanks again
Ken
Thanks ur4it - nice to know the tips are appreciated.
I disagree that a user-created room closes when the creator leaves it, though. The other night I created an "escape" room so that we could get away from a flamer in the main room who was offending everyone.
6 or 8 people joined the new room intiially, and then I left them there whilst I went back to the poolroom to tell others there how to get to my private room. The private room didn't disappear whilst I was gone, and I was able to rejoin it with no problems after a few minutes.
The room disappears after the last person leaves it, as far as I'm aware. Can you confirm this, or did I miss the point of what you were trying to say?
Suds
Fun Swingers features sexually explicit material. To access this site you must be of the legal age to engage with the material of an adult site.
By entering Fun Swingers you agree to the following;
I am deemed an adult where I live, and I am at least 18 years old
I am allowed to access & view sexually explicit material
0 likes
I think its well written and I agree with everything you have to say. There is one thing I would like to add though about cams. The people on cam are not performing seals and I haven't met anyone yet who is actually a porn director. So I find that the vast majority of people do not appreciate comments like:
Can I see your t*ts
Get your p*ssy out
Are you up for a f*ck tonight
These are actual comments I have received and I will copy them onto the main chatroom. I will do what I want on cam. Compliments are nice and welcome but I don't like being told what to do. Again this is a personal view, but I know that a lot of people share this view.
This is not meant to put anybody new off the site, like Sudsy it is meant as a helpful guidline as to how to get on well on the site.
Good luck to all on the site xxxx
Grrrrrr to sudsy :P
