So there I was dick in one hand, mouse in the other searching for the perfect swinger babe on swinger-personals, wow this one had a nice photo and took it up the arse. Could life get any more perfect? Just then there was a knock on the door of my flat. 'juuurrst commmmmminngg' I wailed as spunk shot all over my LCD screen (again) Quickly moping up I stumble to the door dragging up my trousers and putting the little general away for another days play. Again there is an urgent rap on the door. 'ok ok hang on' I grumble As I unlatch the door and peek though the gap there before me is the vision of loveliness that is 'the horny neighbour from across the hall'. Checking for signs of dribbled spunk I unlatch the security chain and let the door swing open. In that moment my eyes sweep her slim body….hmm one too many buttons undone on blouse, black bra, nice nipples (cold or pleased to see me?). She looked flustered and angry and pissed that I was just staring at her tits with my mouth open. she spoke first, 'Can you help me? ' Result! My mind raced through the possibilities, clasp stuck on her bra? Her boyfriend had left her and she was desperate for sex? She needed someone to hold the web cam while her and her lesbian lover played naked and dirty? 's-s-ure what can I do for you' I stuttered She narrowed her eyes and as she looked past me and as she saw the image of 'letsfuck69' on my computer screen, noted the box of man-sized tissues and wet wipes and became real angry 'I came round here because something you are doing is making my kitchen table vibrate', she fumed, 'Now I can see just what you were doing you pervert, perhaps you could wank a little less vigorously in future?' And before I could say a word she turned on her heel and with a slam of her door was gone. I stood there for a while, musing over this encounter with 'the horny neighbour from across the hall', this was only the second time I had actually spoken to her and on the first I had also ended up looking like a right prat. Now there are probably some of you out there who will say 'that isn't hard for a dick like you' and given that fact I have just been caught wanking by 'the horny neighbour from across the hall' I can see your point. However, I am not a bad person, I'm just your average horny guy looking for easy sex and in this particular case sex with 'the horny neighbour from across the hall'. Our first encounter came when after a night out I stumbled up the stairs and let rip with the kind of lingering vile fart only 8 pints of real ale and a chicken vindaloo can produce, and yes I was so proud of it. That was until the door above me opened and down the stairs came the vison of loveliness that is 'the horny neighbour from across the hall'. I could see her nostrils flare saw the twisted look on her face as she began to stifle a gag, she fled past me hand over mouth and gave me a look that in my inebriated state I took to mean 'I want you', which on reflection was probably nearer 'you filthy bastard'. But that was then, this is now, dejected I closed my door and returned to the PC, back into swinger-personals. I settled down, whipped out the little general and hit search…..ok looking for singles fems, bi-fems (oh yeah), couples, couples with bi fems (oh yeah) couples with bi guys (oh no…..what is it with all this men sucking cock? Sorry bi is gay and sucking cock is definitely not something real men do), unclick that one. Ok now what am I tonight…..25 yeah…body like an Adonis (yeah baby) 10 inch cock (does anyone have less?) ok lets search, out there is my perfect swing partner. As always the first 10 nubile gagging for it females on the list are really guys, so we can skip those, then I see her and click on the photo, can it be? If I am not mistaken it is 'the horny neighbour from across the hall'. With a bead of perspiration on my lip and my right hand pumping the little general furiously I re-read her ad. 'imupforit69 - Sexy 25 year old girl seeks mature guy for meaningless sex. Loves dp, anal, oral and watersports' Result! Watersports?? Hmm perhaps she's got a boat? Visions appeared in my head of me and 'the horny neighbour from across the hall' floating on a 30foot yacht in the Mediterranean, her tongue gently lapping my cock while I finger her arse and catch Man U vs Chelsea on sky sports. Ok, I now needed to make contact, clicking on send mail I then sat for a while pondering my opening gambit, it would have to be witty, sexy, sassy, catch her eye, stand out above the dross…..I got it! Quickly I typed, well as quick as a man can type with one hand To be continued………….