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38 overweight balding married - what are my chances?

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Hi all, I am completly new to this but decided at the outset that i would describe myself honestly to avoid misleading anyone. I am a straight male looking for a straight female or possibly couple. I am completly non pushy, clean, discreet and honest. What do you think of my chances given my "vital statistics" in the title? Perhaps someone somewhere would offer a sympathy shag!!?? ;)
hello im 28 young fit and sexy i love fat men and i want a shag please let me beg you for sex this is a true letter im so horny callme on tonight if you can