Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the greengrocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper. She also demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
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Three old ladies........
Three deaf men on a tube train pull into a station.
'Is this Wembley?' asks the first.
'No it's Thursday' replies the second
'So am I', replies the third, 'let's go and have a cup of tea'
She stood there on the bridge at midnight
Her lips were all a quiver
She gave a cough, and her leg fell off
And floated down the river!
On my 20th wedding anniversary, my wife asked me to drink champagne from her shoe.
Who can drink 40 gallons of champagne?
