Warming the Bed
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Well, I wasn't doing anything else today so I figured I might as well try to put together something to answer the questions that a lot of single newbies seem to be asking lately.
All comments are welcome! Don't hold back; tell me what you think...
[b]Basic Advice for Single Guys [/b]
This aims to answer a few of the questions most commonly asked by single men coming into the forum and chat room. It's not a bible for getting your end away, or a magic formula for attracting pussy. It's just some simple, basic advice to chew on. I may not even be correct in some respects; feel free to disagree to your hearts' content.
I'm guessing you've stumbled into the website after hearing about swinging, or dogging, and want to get involved. Maybe you've already posted in the forum or chatted to others in the chat room, and are growing concerned that thus far, you've had nary a nibble. Believe me, you aren't the first man to come here with this kind of problem, and if you use the forum's Search facility you can often find where your question has been asked - and answered - many times before.
[b]1. You're In A Big Crowd [/b]
The first thing you have to realise is, there's more men looking for sex online than there are women. Lots more.
What does this mean? For every woman's attention, you're going to be competing with a lot of other guys. Women and couples frequently get many requests to meet for sex, and if they look at the male members profiles then they can choose from thousands of men - and of course, with this range of choice, they'll choose the absolute best guys they can if that's what they are looking for.
So if you ever want to get as far as chatting with or even meeting anyone, you have to put yourself across so that somewhere, some woman will believe that you may be fun to meet.
[b]2. All Those Other Guys Have Dicks Too [/b]
It's a good idea to try to differentiate yourself from those thousands of the other men; to make yourself stand out from the crowd. You need what in marketing circles is called a Unique Selling Point. However, this is where you're very lucky - because you already are a unique individual with your very own personality and unique qualities. What you need to do is demonstrate that specialness to the people you want to contact.
[b]
Male Stereotype wrote:
Hi I'm Roger; 28, very fit, big dick, looking for no-strings action in West Midlands area.[/b]
Lots of men's postings in the Let's Meet Up forum look a lot like this and, while I'm not saying no-one's ever pulled with something similar, you really can give yourself a much better chance if you invest a little effort. The example above makes me think of a small child who's been given a bike for his birthday, proudly showing off his new toy to his family and neighbours. "Look at me," says my advert, "I have a penis!"
The problem is that the other single men on this website all have a penis too. They all have hard dicks and they're all horny. So this is hardly a unique selling point. I personally don't think there's any point in making a big deal of your penis unless it is genuinely abnormally humungous (something close to a foot) and you have photographs to prove it. Exceptionally large penises certainly do hold a novelty-factor for a sizeable number of women, but those women also tend to be aware that endowment sizes get exaggerated by over-eager men. So don't. If by some miracle you did get to meet a lady, she'll notice pretty quickly if your alleged 11 inches is closer to 11 centimeters!
While we're on this subject, opinion amongst women is split on the subject of dick-pictures. Some women like them; others however do not. If you must use a dick-picture in an profile, or send one to someone, always use a facial picture as well. (And no, that doesn't mean a picture of you spewing your load in some poor girl's eyes - it means a clear picture of at least your face.) NEVER use a dick-picture on its own, otherwise people will think that you really are a dick. (While we're on that subject, NEVER use a dick-picture as an avatar graphic in the forum - this is against the rules and you will be asked to change it.)
[b]3. Wowing Women [/b]
The important thing with any advert (PM message) or advert response is to set yourself apart from all the other guys. I'm not saying you need to write your full life story but mention a little bit about who you are, what you're like, and what you're looking for. And don't just tell people what you're like; show them. Let your personality shine through in your words, and you'll have something that stands at least a chance of wowing a woman.
Try to imagine how what you're writing will be viewed by the women you're trying to target. Remember that these people are all strangers; they don't know you, and they start out by not caring about you at all. They don't care how horny you are, how long it is since you last had sex, or how unfulfilling your marriage may be. They really don't give a damn about your dick being hard. And why should they? Before you can begin to sow the seeds of attraction, you need to make people believe that you are someone worth knowing. I can't tell you how to do this; everyone is different, everyone has a different style, different strengths and weaknesses.
BTW, when writing a message make sure you mention what kind of person you're looking for too. Some people have actually written things like this:
[b]Male Stereotype wrote:
Need my dick sucking today! Roger; 28; Birmingham area; very nice cock.[/b]
Does this person mind if the mouth on their penis belongs to a woman, or a man, or a man dressed as a woman? Or a 5-year-old golden retriever?
Likewise, when responding to someone's 'Lets meet up' forum post, always take care that you match any specific criteria they ask for. So if they want a man 6'4 and athletic, and you're 5'3 and tubby, you'll only be wasting your time and theirs if you send them a message!
[b]4. Being Ignored Is Part Of The Territory [/b]
It's frustrating, and we've all been there. You see a 'Lets meet up' forum post placed by a gorgeous woman. You put your heart and soul into writing a response; tailoring it to her, editing it into a state of perfection. You send it. And you never hear back.
Unfortunately, this is a part of the scene. As I mentioned, women and couples get hundreds and hundred of replies to their adverts, and usually they just give up on the hope of even replying to the vast majority that don't interest them. From your point of view; this is impolite, and rude. You put a lot of effort into writing your very best response and you get nothing - not even a rejection message - back. But there's no point whailing and railing about it - it's just one of those things. When I was replying to ads, about 95% of my replies went unanswered. You can either reply to another advert - and probably be ignored again - or stop now and give up.
[b]5. Get To Know People [/b]
Maybe your ad responses are falling on deaf ears and your own advert or profile isn't getting noticed among seven thousand others. What can you do to actually reach other people?
One tip I can give for interacting in the forum or the chat rooms: never give without receive, and never receive without giving. This means: don't just ask a question, tell us what you think too. You don't want to give the impression you want to suck up opinions like a sponge. And likewise, don't just tell people what you think; listen to their opinions as well. You're not an evangelical radio DJ spouting gospel to the world; other people's viewpoints will be just a valid as your own. Maybe more so.
Also, there are a few topics that keep coming back up again and again; if you think someone's likely to have been asked before, use the "Search" feature in the forum before asking again. You'll probably find lots of valid and entertaining opinions just waiting for you, and don't be too shy to post a reply in an old topic if you feel the need. Two topics that especially seem to come up again and again are: pubic hair removal/grooming, and 'does penis-size matter'?
[b]6. When Your Little Soldier Doesn't Measure Up [/b]
It can be depressing; looking through women's profiles and seeing how many you can't answer because your penis isn't big enough to fit into the legendary "VWE" (Very Well-Endowed) category. But again, don't obsess over this - many of those women just want to experiment with a big dick, or happen to like them. And so what? You can't force people to find something attractive when they don't. And there's also women who dislike penises that are more than average in length or girth - so it's not as though a large penis is a skeleton key that can open any bedroom door in the land.
[b]7. Sexual Discrimination [/b]
"No single males", says profile after profile. "No single men!" says the sexy lady in the chatroom. Unfair, isn't it? I bet they still see single women!
Some single men have given the rest of the single men a bad reputation. Some single men are rude, pushy, arrogant, ignorant... it's no surprise that many swingers have gone off them. Others just don't find single men attractive, and aren't interested in playing when another woman isn't involved. (And given how lovely women are, can you really blame them?)
Again, you can moan about this, but it really doesn't do any good. In fact, you'll just do further damage to the reputation of single men, as even more people will view us as ignorant adolescents who moan if they can't get a shag.
[b]8. What's The Secret? [/b]
There's no secret formula for seducing women. There are things you can do to increase your chances, and make yourself more desirable, but at the end of the day - there's no magic button you can press to make a woman appear magically at your door. (Unless you have your local escort agency on speed-dial.) Every woman is different, and every woman likes different things. What turns one woman into a quivering pile of goo might leave another completely unmoved.
There's lots of advice out there if you look for it; read it, digest it, take it all on board. But don't believe it's all automatically true, or that it will turn you into an irresistable sex-god. Chew it over in your mind and decide which bits are most suitable for your current situation.
The Swinger Personals website has an Advice section that contains lots of useful information for you to digest.
[b]9. And What If Nothing Happens? [/b]
Lt_Frank_Drebin wrote:
It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
As we've seen, as a single guy on a swinging website, the odds are stacked against you. All the advice in the world can't overcome that; you need luck. A lot of luck.
Whatever you're doing – posting in the forums, responding to posts, sitting in the chatroom - it's very important that you enjoy the activity. Have fun with it. You may get lucky and meet someone straight away; it may be a very long time before anyone shows any interest in you. Maybe nobody ever will. So make sure you're having fun, and if at the end of the day your number hasn't come up - at least you've still had fun.
[b]Appendix A: You're a Man. Be Proud![/b]
The advice has ended. However, perhaps you'll forgive me for tacking a bit of philosophy onto the tail.
Trying to make contact with people through this site can be a soul-destroying business, as most will ignore you completely. In this context, if you ever do get a promising lead, it can lead you to jump on, pursuing it no matter what it offers, in the belief that's all you'll ever get. I don't like to advocate naval-gazing, but - stop. Think. Is this what you were looking for? Is what is offered something you'd enjoy? If not, then don't be afraid to say "no" - because no "action" at all is better than "action" you don't want.
Likewise, sometimes people may advise you to "turn bi" as the only way to get some sex out of this site. I think it's fairly inarguable that men looking to meet men have a better chance of success than men looking to meet women or couples - there isn't the huge numeric imbalance for one thing. And if you're gay, or bi, then more power to you. If you're curious, good luck and I hope you enjoy it. I'm not here to preach homophobia. But "because I couldn't meet a woman" is a bad reason for re-evaluating your sexuality, in my opinion. Just think carefully, and if it's what you want, go for it. If not, let it pass you by.
What I'm basically saying is: you're a man. Be proud of that, and have a healthy sense of your own self-worth. You're a unique individual with your own hopes, desires, thoughts and dreams. You're not just a penis with legs, or some anonymous sex-toy for the ladies to use when they're bored and there's nothing on TV. The purpose of this site and others like them is to meet other adults for mutual fun - and mutual means yours as well as theirs.
Meeting other people for sex won't make you any more or less of a man. Focus on quality not quantity, and if you never meet anyone that's better than a thousand meets you didn't enjoy. The teacher won't give you a merit point the first time you penetrate someone through Swinger Personals, and nobody will award you a gold carriage clock when you reach 100 sexual partners.
Have fun.
P.S If you don't feel that you will gain anything from this advice, please feel free to read my 'Idiot's Guide to Swinging for the Single Male'
